Number Sixty-One

I don't care what Pinterest says. Do NOT use your refrigerator as a dry-erase board.

Number Sixty

Fifteen feet of tinsel garland is not enough for a six-foot tree.

Number Fifty-Nine

"All your love and a field of corn" is not considered an acceptable answer to the question, "What do you want for your birthday?"

Number Fifty-Eight

You can't fit a fully assembled adult's bicycle into the trunk of a Toyota Camry.

Number Fifty-Seven

Never attempt to move your seat back while driving.

Number Fifty-Six

Never use a coffee table as an ottoman.

Number Fifty-Five

Common sense isn't.

Number Fifty-Four

You can't blame Tom Clancy for all of your problems.

Number Fifty-Three

Acetone does not, in fact, remove Super Glue from skin.

Number Fifty-Two

Skinny girls can have cankles, too.