Number Sixty-One

I don't care what Pinterest says. Do NOT use your refrigerator as a dry-erase board.

Number Sixty

Fifteen feet of tinsel garland is not enough for a six-foot tree.

Number Fifty-Nine

"All your love and a field of corn" is not considered an acceptable answer to the question, "What do you want for your birthday?"

Number Fifty-Eight

You can't fit a fully assembled adult's bicycle into the trunk of a Toyota Camry.

Number Fifty-Seven

Never attempt to move your seat back while driving.

Number Fifty-Six

Never use a coffee table as an ottoman.

Number Fifty-Five

Common sense isn't.

Number Fifty-Four

You can't blame Tom Clancy for all of your problems.

Number Fifty-Three

Acetone does not, in fact, remove Super Glue from skin.

Number Fifty-Two

Skinny girls can have cankles, too.

Number Fifty-One

Never trust anyone who looks like a real-life character from "Fruits Basket."

Number Fifty

"Friend is a four-letter word." - Cake

Number Forty-Nine

Man plans; God laughs.

(Yiddish proverb)

Number Forty-Eight

Passive aggression inevitably leads to aggressive aggression.

Number Forty-Seven

Fifty percent shark + fifty percent octopus = one hundred percent awesome.

Number Forty-Six

It is rude to point out when others are being rude.

Number Forty-Five

When you start saying "delete" instead of "throw away," it's time to step away from the computer.

Number Forty-Four

Never, ever take a harmonica apart.

Number Forty-Three

In the absence of any new wood to peck on, a woodpecker will hammer its beak into the grass, to comedic effect.

Number Forty-Two

It's a bad idea to watch a "Criminal Minds" marathon before bed.