Number Forty

Just because you've lowered your expectations, doesn't mean you can't still be horribly let down.

Number Thirty-Nine

Apparently, it's a bad idea to cut your toenails in the dark.

Number Thirty-Eight

If you haven't watched a show on the DVR in three months, it's probably not going to happen. Best to delete it and move on with your life.

Number Thirty-Seven

When you live in a city where the high temperature is in the 90s in November, it's best not to discuss weather with a relative who lives in a much cooler climate.

Number Thirty-Six

If you can injure yourself whilst putting on a pair of pants, you likely qualify as that really special kind of uncoordinated that is usually reserved for the mentally ill.

Number Thirty-Five

It is absolutely amazing how much cleaning can be done in the space of half an hour when one is properly motivated.

Number Thirty-Four

If you expect the worst, the day has nowhere to go but up.

Number Thirty-Three

You may think you don't like gelato, but that's only because you didn't have really good gelato. Taste the good stuff, and you'll like it. I promise.

Number Thirty-Two

If you have a trip to pack for, it is best to do your packing more than an hour before you need to leave for said trip

Number Thirty-One

If you have strawberry yogurt in one hour and strawberry gelato in the next hour, the strawberry gelato will taste and feel awful, because your brain is expecting more strawberry yogurt.